Roar
by PlayingwithLove
Summary: Angela's right. I need to figure out who I am, and what really makes me happy. Then, I need to do those things. My name is Isabella Marie Swan, an you're gonna hear me roar.


**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. No copyright infringement is meant.**

**Prologue: The End and the Beginning**

I couldn't take the silence any longer. There was a giant purple and gold elephant in the room, and we needed to address it. Now.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I murmured, playing with his shoestrings.  
Usually when I ask this, Jacob shrugs his shoulders and say 'It's possible for guys to really not think anything, Bella.' Not tonight, though.

"You're not going to like it…" he trails off, and from the tone in his voice, I know what's coming. It's been coming for over a month.

"Tell me," I beg, needing to hear him say it.

Jacob shakes his head and starts to cry. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen Jacob Black cry over the last three and a half years. The night before he left for the Summer Seminar at the Naval Academy, one night during a heavy heart-to-heart on my sofa, the night his dad missed graduation, and now, tonight.

"I…Bella… we just can't do this anymore," Jacob rubs his face with his hands, and I sit up, facing him, and wrap myself in my blanket. When I don't say anything, he continues. "I love you, Bella. You know I do. But, I don't know if I'm in love with you."

I'm shocked. My body can't and won't respond to what Jacob's saying. We've been dating since our freshman year in high school. Every significant moment from the most significant years of my life flashes through my mind. My mom's most recent bout with cancer, being crowned Homecoming King and Queen, my sister's wedding, my grandma's death, college acceptances, rejections, scholarship awards, every single Student Council event, cheerleading competitions, every time I've been too stressed and ready to flip, they all play at super speed through my mind. The one thing that is constant in every memory is Jacob. Every time he's said he loved me, every plan we had for our future, they all play on loop in my mind. I don't even know how to form a coherent response.

"Babe, please say something," Jacob finally meets my eyes, and I snap.

"Don't call me that!" I can't take it. The tears that have been threatening to spill since we started this conversation finally pour down my face.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I… I don't want to not have you in my life, but I know this isn't working anymore," Jacob is still crying as he reaches out to hold me.

The next fifteen minutes are spent trying to come to come to grips with reality. My emotions go from heartbroken, to angry, to, finally, accepting… somewhat. Rationally, I knew this was coming. Jacob and I haven't been really happy since he came up for band camp. I've held on, though, because Jacob has always been the one constant in my life.

"Jacob, I just—I'm not really sure how to live without you in my life…I know that sounds ridiculous, but you've been here every day for three and a half years…what am I supposed to do now?" Still trying to wrap my head around what I know needs to happen, I lay it all on the line one last time.

Jacob shakes his head and pulls me in for one last hug. "Bella, I can't lose you completely. I need you in my life. I just feel like we're better friends than anything else. Please, tell me we can still be friends," he begs.

"We can't. Not at first, Jacob. I don't know how to only be your friend. If you really want to figure out who you are without me, then you really need to be on your own."

"But, Bella—"

"I'm not saying it'll never happen, " I cut him off. "I'm saying it can't happen right now."

"Okay, Bella. I guess I better go…" Jacob sighs and stands up. "I love you, Bella…I always will, just not in the way you need me to. You are the best thing that ever happened to me... I'll be waiting, when you decide we can be friends again."

I close my eyes and will myself not to cry again as he kisses my forehead, and then I watch my life as I know it walk out of my dorm.

Once I hear the hallway door slam shut, I lose it. Trying to see through the tears, I call the only person I can think of in that moment. As the phone rings, I pray that for once I'll have service in this damn dorm room.

"Hello?" My cousin's happy voice fills my ears and I cry harder. "Bella?! Bella, what's wrong?"

"A-Angela," I hiccup, "I need you."

How she made it into my building and onto my floor without me letting her in, I'll never know, but ten minutes after I called her, I hear a knock on my door. Pulling myself off the floor, I know it's Angela. I open the door enough for her to come in, but not enough for anyone else to see inside. As soon as the door closes, she wraps me in a hug. Even though she's a good four inches shorter than me, her hug comforts me in ways that only a cousin's love can. Finally, she moves us to the beanbag on the floor… the same beanbag _he_ was sitting on fifteen minutes ago.

I'm not sure how long we sit on the floor. Angela just holds me while I cry. I don't say anything to her, but she seems to know. At some point, we climb into my bed. We haven't cuddled since we were seven, but Angela doesn't seem to mind. I cry myself to sleep, and she holds me the whole time.

When I wake up the next morning, Angela is packing my giant duffle bag.

"Come on, Bells. We're gonna go home for the weekend."

I don't think about how hard it will be to explain all of this to my family, who loved Jacob like he was part of the family. I don't think about how weird it will be to walk into my bedroom at home, filled with pictures of us from the last three years. Instead, I nod my head and put on some yoga pants. I grab Jackson, my stuffed koala bear, and follow Angela out to her car.

oooOOOooo

The trip back to LSU is much more lively than the trip home twenty-four hours ago. Angela and I sing along to some old school Carrie Underwood and Shania Twain, and, before I know it, we hit the Baton Rouge city limits.

"Thank you for everything, Angela," I turn down the radio. "I'm not sure what I'd do without you."

"It's no problem, Bells. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Just remember: you _can _do this. You're the strongest person I know, Bella, and this is not the end of the world. It's a month into your freshman year of college…embrace it. Do whatever the hell you want," Angela gives me a smile and turns Shania back on.

We sing for the rest of the ride, enjoying our time together. As we get back on campus, I realize Angela's right. Jacob and I breaking up sucks, but now is a good time for it to happen. I need to figure out who I am, and what really makes me happy. Then, I need to do those things.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan, and you're gonna hear me roar.

* * *

**Hello, Hello.**

**I've been around for a while, but this is my first attempt at writing anything. I would love to hear what you think about this chapter!**

**~PWL**


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